Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to exercise daily, have a much better diet stop drinking, smoking. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.Now I want a divorce, because I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough or me.
Marriage is the only war which you sleep with the enemy.
The definition of alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got!
A woman sits down next to an attractive man on a bus. She says "you look just like my 4th husband". The man replies, "Your FOURTH husband, how many times have you been married?" "Three" the woman replies.
Marriage is a great institution, but only if you like being institutionalized.
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