A man tells his wife of 15 years that it feels like they've only been married for 5 minutes the wife says thats so sweet and he says yeah 5 minutes under water.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog - you know he'll shut up when he comes in.
A cop tries to pull over a guy for speeding who tries to outrun him. Finally the guy gives up and pulls over. The now PO'd cop walks up and yells at the guy, "What's the big idea?" The guy responds, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," he said, "and I was afraid he was trying to give her back!" "Off you go," said the officer.
"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't".
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