Free Laugh - Funny Quotes About Men

Here we have 25 funny quotes about men from a number of prominent individuals including Jerry Seinfeld, Charles Dickens, Robin Williams and Marilyn Monroe. Enjoy!

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
~ Robin Williams

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
~ Jerry Seinfeld

“Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes.”
~ Bruce Almighty

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach failed geography.”
~ Robert Byrne

“A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.”
~ Anonymous

“Do you know the best way for a guy to impress a girl at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups . . . pull up in a corvette, pull up in a Rolls Royce, pull up in a Cadillac.”
~ Late Night with Conan O’Brien

“Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.”
~ Diana Jordan

“The only time a man will truly listen is when he has wood.”
~ Mancow’s Morning Madhouse

“One of the things I like best about men is they’re a little vulnerable.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”
~ Groucho Marx

“If men knew all that women think, they would be twenty times more daring.”
~ Alphonse Karr

“There must be some reason why a man must be convinced, while a woman must be persuaded.”
~ Robert B. Fleming

“Men are run by their erections.”
~ Dr. Ian Kerner

“Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and the bad ones are full of crap.”
~ Anonymous

“When a woman sees that you’re good at something, it becomes your job forever.”
~ According to Jim

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.”
~ Rita Rudner

“Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.”
~ Anonymous

“Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.”
~ Zenna Schaffer

“Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
~ Laura Swenson

“Once a gentleman, and always a gentleman.”
~ Charles Dickens

“Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.”
~ Kathy Lette

“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
~ Dennis Leary

“Men are what their mothers made them.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.”
~ Franois Morency

“Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.”
~ Tim Allen