Thoughts for the Day - About Happiness

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, a nurse provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait," the nurse replied.

'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he said.

Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged, it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing.

'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4.. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Thoughts for the Day - Men and Dogs

Why Some Men Have Dogs - Not Wives...

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

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A Funny Video

Did you Know Facts - Great Love Quotes

In the words of David Cassidy – in fact, uh, while he was still with the Partridge Family, uh – I think I love you.
~ Four Weddings and a Funeral

Love’s like the measles; all the worse when it comes late in life.
~ Douglas Jerrold

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.
~ Anonymous

As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.
~ Victor Hugo

Every time she sneezes I believe its love.
~ Adam Duritz

Hearts and thoughts, they fade away.
~ Pearl Jam

Can a heart still break after it has stopped beating?
~ Corpse Bride

I didn’t have anything better to do that weekend, so I decided to fall in love.
~ The Girl Next Door

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.
~ Meet Joe Black

The heart brings you better.
~ Blues Traveler

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
~ Albert Einstein

Love. We think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. When we don’t know we have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don’t know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we can’t predict which it will be one moment from the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without.
~ Anonymous

Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.
~ Erick Segal

The hottest love has the coldest end.
~ Socrates

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.
~ George Bernard Shaw

Feelings have this quiet way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.
~ Alfie

Don’t love the person you can live with; love the person you can’t live without.
~ Anonymous

If young love is just a game, I must have missed the kick-off.
~ Blink-182

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
~ Lao-Tzu

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
~ Anonymous

Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.
~ Swedish Proverb

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
~ Charlie Brown

Love can turn the cottage into a golden palace.
~ German Proverb

I’m so good at forgetting and I quit every game I play. But forgive me, love, I can’t turn and walk away.
~ John Mayer

Nobody can love – or stop loving – at will.
~ Anonymous

Love teaches even asses to dance.
~ French Proverb

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women like to be a man’s last romance.
~ Oscar Wilde

Man loves little and often, women much and rarely.
~ Basta

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
~ Anonymous

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
~ Thomas Haynes Bayly

If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
~ Anonymous

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
~ Robert Frost

Romantic love isn’t full unless it’s tragic.
~ The History Channel

The course of true love never did run smooth.
~ William Shakespeare

But one always returns to one’s first loves.
~ Etienne

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
~ Aristotle

What the head makes cloudy, the heart makes very clear.
~ Don Henley

It’s hard to tell if you love someone until they are gone.
~ G.D. Swan

If a girl is spending all of her time worrying about the money she doesn’t have, how is she going to find any time for being in love?
~ Gentlemen Prefer Blonds

Love is friendship set on fire.
~ Jenny Taylor

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
~ Robert Heinlein

If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.
~ Anonymous

He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage: he won’t encounter many rivals.
~ George C. Litchenberg

Love is an ocean of emotions, entirely surrounded by expenses.
~ Lord Dewar

A relationship is like a rose. How long it lasts, no one knows. Love can erase an awful past, love can be yours, you’ll see at last. To feel that love, it makes you sigh. To have it leave, you’d rather die. You hope you’ve found that special rose, cause you love and care for the one you chose.
~ Anonymous

Love is hard to get into, but harder to get out of.
~ Sean Bawden

It is not love, but lack of love, which is blind.
~ Glenway Wescott

If you can’t put a price tag on love, how do you know how much it is worth?
~ Anonymous

Welcome to love. It’s full of doubt, pain and uncertainty.
~ The Simpsons

It is not only necessary to love, it is necessary to say so.
~ French Proverb

All our lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak, and hope all the while, that somewhere, somehow, there is someone perfect who might be searching for us.
~ Wonder Years

Sometimes I think that analysis can damage your soul and your heart as well. The heart shouldn’t be torn apart in analysis. The heart should just be allowed to beat with love.
~ Anonymous

We are what we love, not what loves us.
~ Adaptation

Falling in love is like sticking an ice pick in your forehead . . . but we keep doing it!
~ Simple Men

Love is so simple.
~ Jacques Prevert

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.
~ Agatha Christie

Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
~ Sean Connery

The first duty of love – is to listen.
~ Paul Tillich

When love is not madness, it is not love.
~ Pedro Caulderon de la Barca

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.
~ Pearl Bailey

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.
~ Charlie Brown

Faults are thick where love is thin.
~ English Proverb

Falling in love is like eating mushrooms, you never know if it’s the real thing until it’s too late.
~ Bill Balance

Hearts will never be practical until they are unbreakable.
~ The Wizard of Oz

Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.
~ Ursula K. LeGuin

You’re not supposed to meet the love of your life when you’re ten, where’s the fun in that right?
~ Empire Records

Love is suicide.
~ Billy Corgan

Love is about choices. It’s about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own future. But sometimes, despite all your best decisions and all your intentions fate wins.
~ Grey’s Anatomy

Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away . . . and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
~ Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

You will never know love unless you surrender to it.
~ Fools Rush In

Love at first sight is possible . . . just be sure you’re seeing clearly.
~ Anonymous

Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
~ Love Story

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
~ Anais Nin

Get me off this crazy thing called love.
~ So I Married an Axe Murderer

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
~ Joan Crawford

I believe in a thing called love.
~ The Darkness

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
~ Woodrow Wyatt

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination, not just in the mind. It’s a soul hurt, a body hurt . . . a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love.
~ Neil Gaiman

Too much of anything, even love is never a good thing.
~ Grey’s Anatomy

The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love.
~ Henry Miller

A Funny Video

Free Laugh - Homer Simpson Quotes

As one of our favorite animated characters, Homer Simpson has had quite a few hilarious quotes throughout the years. From beer and bacon to marriage and children, Homer always seems to leave us laughing with his unique comments and ridiculous questions. Here we have our list of the best Homer Simpsons quotes of all time.

“How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”

“If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.”

“Son, a woman is a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and … um … Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!”

“God bless those pagans.”

“Everyone knows rock n’ roll attained perfection in 1974; It’s a scientific fact.”

“Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?”

“Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”

“They didn’t have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.”

“Go ahead and play the blues if it’ll make you happy.”

“Marge, I’m going to miss you so much. And it’s not just the sex. It’s also the food preparation.”

“Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!”

“Bart! With $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!”

“Well, I’m tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!”

“I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.”

“Lisa, honey, if it’ll make you feel better I’ll destroy something Bart loves.”

“Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her… during the commercial.”

“Stupid risks are what make life worth living.”

“If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car.”

“The sun? That’s the hottest place on Earth.”

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. 1). Cover for me. 2). Oh, good idea Boss! 3). It was like that when I got here.”

“Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”

“Lisa, you’re a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher life form… like a snowman.”

“English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le GRILL?? What the hell is that?”

“Stupid gravity!”

“Aw, twenty dollars… I wanted a peanut.”

“God can’t be everywhere, right?”

“It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.”

“Oh, so they have internet on computers now!”

“What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘The process of removing weeds from one’s garden.’”

“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”

“Throw them away? Are you mad woman? You never know when an old calendar may come in handy. Sure it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow might bring?”

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! … ‘cept the weasel.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!”

“You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”

“You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”

“The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.”

“Flanders has cooties … Flanders has cooties … Flanders has cooties …”

“Somebody COULD get hurt … COULD … but chances are they won’t.”

“Nobody gets into heaven without a glowstick.”

“I’ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats.”

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.”

“If you’re going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things!”

“The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.”

“Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.”

“Pffft, English, who needs that? I’m never going to England.”

“I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.”

“Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I’ve worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watch them pass me over for promotions time and again.”

“You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.”

“Well, its 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.”

“Always remember that you’re representing your country. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t mess up France the way you messed up your room.”

“Shut-up brain or I’ll stab you with a Q-Tip.”

“Help me, Jebus!”

“Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep… in a giant blender.”

“If God didn’t want us to eat in church, he would’ve made gluttony a sin.”

“A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It’s a tool, like a butcher’s knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.”

“Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like the movie… Spaceballs. But instead, it’s been painful and disturbing, like the movie Police Academy.”

“First you don’t want me to get the pony, now you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!”

“I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”

“First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.”

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Thoughts for the Day

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.

It's funny- the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.

Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.

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A Funny Video

Thoughts for the Day

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers

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A Funny Video

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Thoughts for the Day

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait

I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

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Thoughts for the Day

The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

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Thoughts for the Day

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with Braille on them.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

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A Funny Video

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Thoughts for the Day

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

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Thoughts for the Day

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me

A Funny Video

Free Laugh - Funny Quotes About Drinking

From Benjamin Franklin to Jim Morrison to Ron Burgundy, we have brought you our top 50 favorite drinking quotes of all time. Alcohol always seems to help produce some of the best quotes, so sit back and enjoy these funny drinking quotes by famous people. If you have any of your own favorite drinking quotes that you do not see on our list, please feel free to add them in the comment section below.

“I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
~ Frank Sinatra

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
~ Ernest Hemingway

“When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumbass.”
~ That 70’s Show

“Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.”
~ N.F. Simpson

“No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink.”
~ G. K. Chesterton

“I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did.”
~ Steve Krabitz

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”
~ Oscar Wilde

“All is fair in love and beer.”
~ Kurt Paradis

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handey

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”
~ Ogden Nash

“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.”
~ Jimmy Breslin

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”
~ Joe E. Lewis

“We drink [to] one another’s health and spoil our own.”
~ Jerome K. Jerome

“If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people.”
~ Anonymous

“The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.”
~ The Simpsons

“When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.”
~ Frantois Rabelais

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
~ Steve Fergosi

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”
~ Steven Wright

“Drink what you want; drink what you’re able. If you are drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.”
~ Anonymous

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”
~ Oscar Levant

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
~ W.C. Fields

“I drink to make other people interesting.”
~ George Jean Nathan

“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”
~ Catherine Zandonella

“Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.”
~ Anonymous

“I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become.”
~ Tom Ralphs

“I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved.”
~ George Gobel

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.”
~ The Simpsons

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”
~ Lord Byron

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
~ Dave Barry

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”
~ Dean Martin

“It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.”
~ Jim Morrison

“Alcoholic friends are as easy to make as Sea Monkeys.”
~ Dry

“Maybe talking when I’m piss ass drunk isn’t entirely bright.”
~ Chris McGowan

“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . . ”
~ Anchorman

“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”
~ David Daye

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
~ George Burns

“I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”
~ Joe E. Lewis

“I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it.”
~ Anonymous

“Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.”
~ The Simpsons

“Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”
~ The Major and the Minor

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
~ Henry Youngman

“Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.”
~ Anonymous

“One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”
~ James Thurber

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
~ Rodney Dangerfield

“He that drinks fast, pays slow.”
~ Benjamin Franklin

“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”
~ Anonymous

“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”
~ Joe E. Lewis

“Responsible drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.”
~ Aaron Howard

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
~ Frank Sinatra

A Funny Video

Free Laugh - Funny Quotes About Men

Here we have 25 funny quotes about men from a number of prominent individuals including Jerry Seinfeld, Charles Dickens, Robin Williams and Marilyn Monroe. Enjoy!

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
~ Robin Williams

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
~ Jerry Seinfeld

“Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes.”
~ Bruce Almighty

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach failed geography.”
~ Robert Byrne

“A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.”
~ Anonymous

“Do you know the best way for a guy to impress a girl at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups . . . pull up in a corvette, pull up in a Rolls Royce, pull up in a Cadillac.”
~ Late Night with Conan O’Brien

“Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.”
~ Diana Jordan

“The only time a man will truly listen is when he has wood.”
~ Mancow’s Morning Madhouse

“One of the things I like best about men is they’re a little vulnerable.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”
~ Groucho Marx

“If men knew all that women think, they would be twenty times more daring.”
~ Alphonse Karr

“There must be some reason why a man must be convinced, while a woman must be persuaded.”
~ Robert B. Fleming

“Men are run by their erections.”
~ Dr. Ian Kerner

“Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and the bad ones are full of crap.”
~ Anonymous

“When a woman sees that you’re good at something, it becomes your job forever.”
~ According to Jim

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.”
~ Rita Rudner

“Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.”
~ Anonymous

“Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.”
~ Zenna Schaffer

“Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
~ Laura Swenson

“Once a gentleman, and always a gentleman.”
~ Charles Dickens

“Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.”
~ Kathy Lette

“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
~ Dennis Leary

“Men are what their mothers made them.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.”
~ Franois Morency

“Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.”
~ Tim Allen

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Did you Know Facts - Laughter in Your Marriage

One of the great joys of marriage is the time that you, as a couple, spend laughing together and enjoying your sense of humor. Here are the benefits of laughter and humor, and ways to increase laughter in your marriage.

Laughter is a marvelous gift. It releases chemicals in your brain which can enhance your day and reduce your stress.

Additionally, laughter and humor are vital to good health. Laughter is healthy for a marriage, both emotionally and physically.
Benefits of Laughter

* Reduction of stress and tension.

* Stimulation of your immune system.

* An increase of natural painkillers in your blood.

* A decrease in systemic inflammation.

* Reduction of your blood pressure.

* Lifts your spirits.

* Laughter and humor relieve tension, lift spirits, and bring couples closer together.

* Having a sense of humor as a couple can help keep your relationship fresh.

How to Increase Laughter and Humor in Your Marriage

* Be aware of the humorous moments in each day.

* Make it a habit for everyone in your family to share at dinner something funny that happened to them.

* Take delight in comedies on television and at the movies.

* Watch classic funny movies and television shows.

* Share funny jokes and cartoons with each other.

* Create funny Halloween costumes as a couple.

* Reflect on funny times in your past together.

Together, work on building your sense of humor. Couples who can laugh at themselves or at their situation usually feel stronger when problems arise. Laughter can sometimes release negative tension both physically and psychologically.

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Stupid People and Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid People and Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid People and Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid Tattoos

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Thoughts for the Day

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid Tattoos

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Stupid Tattoos

Free Laugh - Couples Humor

Couples Humor

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."

*~*~*~*~*

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*~*~*~*~*

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.

*~*~*~*~*

On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere.

Written just below it "I do not."

*~*~*~*~*

He said - Should we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

*~*~*~*~*

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

*~*~*~*~*

A couple who's been married for over 20 years were having a fight in the car during a trip for a holiday.

After arguing for a moment, they decided to quit talking and silence ruled.

Then after a few minutes, they passed some pigs in a farm, all making horrible noises. The wife looks at her husband and gives a sinister grin and says, "Relatives of yours?"

The husband replied "Yep, in-laws

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Stupid People and Stupid Tattoos

Free Laugh - Funny News Headlines

News Headlines To Make You Laugh!

Some of the funnier, laugh out loud, news headlines of the past:

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (Gee, I wonder why?)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (does that work any better than jail?)

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole In One

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Tiger Woods Play With Own Balls, Nike Says

Miners Refuse to Work after Death (Lazy bastards!)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (No, really?)

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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Stupid Tattoos