Free Laugh - How to Get Rid of Blind Dates

• Guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone who reaches for it.
• Repeat every third third word you say say.
• Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
• Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
• Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
• Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
• Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"
• Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
• Ask your date how much money they have with them.
• Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
• Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
• Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, etc.
• Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate.
• Go to the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Explain that they just need airing out.
• If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
• Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.
• Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. Then insist that he taste a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.