Friday, December 26, 2008

Free Laugh - How to Get Rid of Blind Dates

  • Guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone who reaches for it.
  • Repeat every third third word you say say.
  • Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
  • Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
  • Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
  • Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
  • Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"
  • Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
  • Ask your date how much money they have with them.
  • Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
  • Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
  • Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, etc.
  • Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate.
  • Go to the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Explain that they just need airing out.
  • If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
  • Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.
  • Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. Then insist that he taste a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.

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