Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Free Laugh - Two Cannibals

The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The reply, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny
ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, Ha!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder--those are fryers!"

Friday, April 16, 2010

Free Laugh - Kids Version of the Bible

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

6. moses led the jews to the red sea ! Where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

7. the egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments

8. The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

9. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

10. Moses died before he ever reached canada then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.

11. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

12. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

13. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

14. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

15. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

16. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

17. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

18. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

19. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

20. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

21. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

22. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

23. st. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

24. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.