Friday, March 23, 2012

The Old Man and the Beaver

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Some Idle Thoughts...

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it
********************

I had amnesia once --- or twice
********************

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
********************

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
********************

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
********************

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
********************

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
********************

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?
********************

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
********************

Is it me -- or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
********************